This week’s bad lawyer joke comes from loyal Blawg visitor Drenna Shive from Jackson, Missouri:

A lawyer from the big city was visiting Florida. He wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator loafers in the worst way, but he was reluctant to pay the high prices the local stores were demanding.

He was certain that with all of his legal training he could negotiate a better price, but at shop after shop he had no luck. After getting frustrated with one salesperson who wouldn’t budge, the lawyer shouted, “Well then, maybe I’ll just go out and catch my own alligator!”

The salesperson smiled, “I’d like to see you try.”

The lawyer marched out of the store and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day the saleswoman was driving home and she spotted the lawyer standing waist deep in the murky swamp water, shotgun in hand and a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward him.

The saleswoman pulled over as the lawyer took aim, shot and killed the creature. With a great deal of effort, the lawyer hauled it onto the swamp bank — right next to four more dead alligators.

The saleswoman stood on the side of the road watching the lawyer struggle to flip that gator on its back.

Then, looking up toward the sky in great frustration, the lawyer shouted, “No! This one is barefoot too!”

If you have a bad lawyer joke or humorous workplace story you’d like to share with the world, please send it to blawg@na.manpower.com. If we publish it, we’ll send you a fabulous prize. Thanks for your submssion, Drenna!

Loyal Blawg visitor Mike Dourgarian passed along this late-breaking piece of legal news:  American Bar Association Recalls 230,000 Defective Lawyers.

Thanks for sharing, Mike.  (Frankly, I’m surprised they only found 230,000.)

Today’s bad lawyer joke comes from loyal Blawg visitor Doug Orear of Bloomington, Illinois . . .

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates.  “$500 for three questions,” replied the lawyer.  “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man.  “Yes,” replied the lawyer.  “What’s your third question?”

Thanks, Doug!  (For the record, Doug’s original submission set the lawyer’s rate at $50.  I upped it a bit to reflect current reality.)

If you have a bad lawyer joke or humorous workplace story you’d like to share with the world, please send it to blawg@manpower.com.  If we publish it, we’ll send you a fabulous prize.

Today’s bad lawyer joke was submitted by Blawg reader Mary Ann from Three I Credit Union . . .

Q:  What do you call a bus full of lawyers with one empty seat hanging over the side of a cliff?

A:  A darn shame.

Thanks, Mary Ann.  For your efforts in helping to elevate the status of my esteemed and noble profession, we’ll send you a fabulous prize.

As always, please send your humorous workplace stories, bad lawyer jokes and anything else you think we’d find interesting/entertaining to blawg@manpower.com.

Today’s joke was submitted by Thom Maher of BRC Rubber & Plastics (I made a few slight adjustments to protect the innocent) . . .

A doctor, an HR person and a lawyer were on a cruise ship together.  A bad storm wrecked the ship and left the three as the only survivors.  They drifted in a small life raft for days with no food or water.  The whole time their raft was continually circled by man-eating sharks.

Finally, on the fifth day with all three near death, they saw land way off in the distance.  The doctor said, “One of us needs to try to swim for help.”

The lawyer quickly volunteered.  He jumped over the side of the raft and began swimming through the circling throng of hungry sharks.

The doctor shook his head in disbelief and said, “That was the most selfless act I’ve ever seen in my whole life.”

The HR person spoke up.  “The sharks won’t hurt that man,” he said.

“What makes you say that?” asked the doctor.

Watching the lawyer swim away untouched, the HR person replied, “Professional courtesy.”

Thanks, Thom — we’ll send you a fabulous prize.  (Personally, I think the last line is nothing more than a veiled attempt by the HR person to mask deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and jealousy brought on by the lawyer’s selfless act of heroism.)

As always, feel free to send your lawyer jokes, humorous workplace stories, poems, haikus, recipes or anything else you’d like to share with the world to blawg@manpower.com.

The following was received from loyal Blawg reader Dan Szohr.  Not sure if it’s a true story or not.

One afternoon, a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered the driver to stop and he got out to investigate. 

He asked one of the men, “Why are you eating grass?”

“We don’t have any money for food,” the man replied.  “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me.  They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer said.

Turning to the other man, the lawyer said, “You can come with us, too.”

The second man said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me.”

“Bring them all as well,” the lawyer answered.

The men gathered their families and they all piled into the limousine.  Once underway, one of the men turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind.  Thanks for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it.  You’ll really love my place.  The grass is almost a foot high.”

Got a lawyer joke or humorous workplace story you’d like to share?  Just click on the button in the upper left corner.  If we publish it here on the Blawg, we’ll send you a fabulous prize.  Thanks for your participation!

Here are the latest lawyer jokes we’ve received from our loyal readers:

Q:  What’s the difference between a carp and a lawyer?

A:  One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.

Very nice.  I’m so proud that my profession is held in such high esteem.  Here’s another one:

Q:  How many lawyer jokes are there?

A:  Only two.  The rest are true stories.

Thanks for the above go to Jack Leebron.  The funny thing is that Jack himself is a lawyer — nice to find another lawyer who can laugh at himself.  For his efforts, Jack will be rewarded with an exclusive Manpower coffee mug.  Thanks again, Jack!

If you have a lawyer joke or humorous workplace story you’d like to share, just click on the button at the upper left.  If it’s remotely humorous, we’ll award you a fabulous prize and maybe even publish it here on the Blawg.