When I was growing up (in the 50′s) it was unusual for a woman to shake hands.  I rarely saw women get up when a guest walked into a room or joined a table.  And women actually enjoyed and appreciated having doors opened and chairs pulled out for them.

Things have changed! 

Gender makes little difference anymore.  Everyone shakes hands.  Everyone should stand when a guest enters a room or joins a table.  And while I still enjoy having doors opened and chairs positioned for me, it is not the norm.  I counted today and it was 50/50.  I held doors for men half the time and men held doors for me the other half.  And no matter who you are, please don’t forget to say “thank you.”

What else has equalized in the etiquette arena?

I’m sure you’ve heard about those companies that ban email on certain days of the week.  The hope is the ban will encourage face-to-face or, at least, telephone conversations.

I don’t want to generalize too much, but depending on your age, you would either welcome that ban as relief from the seemingly never-ending messages or dread it, feeling as if you’re giving up food and water.  But whichever way you might feel about ubiquitous email, doing without could help us communicate more effectively.

According to Daniel Goleman at The New York Times, researchers have discovered a flaw in our brains that affects the way we react to what we read on a computer screen.  The good can sound neutral, the neutral can appear negative and the negative can seem downright hateful.

So pick one:  word your emails very carefully to avoid misunderstandings OR get up from your desk and have a real conversation with your co-worker.

How do you feel about email?

I was downtown the other day and ran into an interesting situation…

Two colleagues, one man and one woman, were approaching a revolving door at an office building.  As they drew near the door, they had a slightly awkward moment trying to figure out who should go first.  Who do you think should go first?

A.  The woman — it’s standard practice that a woman always goes first.

B.  The man — he should get the door started.

C.  Neither — just avoid the situation and head for the regular door.

The correct answer is B; the man should go through the revolving door to get the door started.  This is one of those etiquette rules that could have you unwittingly appear rude because it seems counterintuitive.

So much is changing in the contemporary world of work, including etiquette.  While some things never change (I can still hear my father say, “Melanie, Melanie strong and able, get those elbows off the table.”) other etiquette rules can shift, especially in business.

As with all business etiquette, the best policy is to know the rules and then based on your knowledge of the person you are with, tailor your behavior to his or her comfort level.  As I see it, business etiquette exists as a guide to facilitate good relationships, not to make anybody feel bad.  And if you see me around town, I won’t mind if you go first through the revolving door.

What are some other strange business etiquette rules you think are important?

P.S.  Answer C. Neither — just avoid the situation and head for a regular door is environmentally incorrect.  Revolving doors are there for a reason — to keep cool or warm air in the building where it belongs.

You’re at a fancy banquet — maybe your boss is sitting next to you.  The crowded dinner table holds a dizzying array of china, crystal, cutlery, flatware, coffee cups…  The list can be endless. 

You may be faced with two potential scenarios:

• You’re the first to sit down and you aren’t quite sure which napkin is yours, which butter plate belongs to you and maybe even where your coffee cup is.
• If you’re the last to sit down, you might find that someone got the whole thing started wrong and you are faced with the same dilemma — what belongs to you?

The answer is quite simple — and if you remember this, you’ll eliminate any hesitation:  Eat Left, Drink Right.  Bread and butter to the left; coffee, water and wine to the right.  Often your napkin is under your fork or on your plate, but if your napkin has been placed (decoratively) in your coffee cup, it is to the right — because you drink coffee.

There are other gimmicks to help us remember which is which, but I find a simple Eat Left, Drink Right does the trick every time.

What other banquet etiquette dilemmas have you faced?